you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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