Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
