She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
