So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
