genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Randomize
