he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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