why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
