Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
