sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
