I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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