I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize