question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
