She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
