I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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