why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
