'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
