i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
it was like eating out sand paper
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
