I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize