Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
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