don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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