well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize