Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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