planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
