You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
