Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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