i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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