names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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