i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
