you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
