so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
