I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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