were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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