Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
