but the lizard people decide everything anyway
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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