cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
