two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
