Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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