This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
