Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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