lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
