Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
