I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
