What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
