Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
