Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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