i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
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