i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
