shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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