Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
