is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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