@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
