She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
