Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
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