We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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