no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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