It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize