Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
