literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
