And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
