4 words: hood of his car
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize