Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
