Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
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