dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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