thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
