...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
