Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
