Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
