1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
