Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Did we literally take a cab across the street
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
