And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
