six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
