Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
