Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Come share oat with me in your robe
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
