hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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