I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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